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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Day Above Ground's "Asian Girlz"


If you haven't seen it you're not really missing anything. I'm not going to post the video. But the lyrics to this song are as follows:

Asian girl, She's my Asian girl
You're my Asian girl, You're my Asian girl
You're my Asian girl, She's my Asian girl
Yes, my Asian girl, You're my Asian girl

I love your sticky rice
Butt fucking all night
Korean barbecue
Bitch I love you
I love your creamy yellow thighs
Ooh you're slanted eyes
It's the Year of the Dragon
Ninja pussy I'm stabbin'

Asian girl, You're's my Asian girl
You're my Asian girl, She's my Asian girl
You're my Asian girl, She's my Asian girl
Yes, my Asian girl, You're my Asian girl

Superstitious feng shui shit (what)
Now lay your hair by the toilet
I've got your green tea boba
So put your head on my shoulder
Your momma's so pretty
Best nails in the city
Pushing your daddy's Mercedes

Asian girl, She's my Asian girl
You're my Asian girl, You're my Asian girl
You're my Asian girl, She's my Asian girl
Yes, my Asian girl, You're my asian girl

New Year's in February (February?)
That's fine with me (I guess)
Yeah, shark soup (What? Fuck it, we'll eat it)
Oh, tradition, tradition, tradition, yeah yeah
Baby, you're my Asian girl
You're legally (best kind)
So baby marry me
Come on sit on my lap (right here baby)
Or we'll send you back
And you age so well
I can barely tell
17 or 23?
Baby doesn't matter to me

Asian girl, She's my Asian girl
You're my Asian girl, You're my Asian girl
You're my Asian girl, She's my Asian girl
Yes, my Asian girl, You're my asian girl

Arcadia
J-Town
Alhambra
K-Town
Temple City
Don't forget Chinatown
Get down
Happy endings all over
Bruce Lee
Toyota
Spicy tuny
Sashimi
Tasty Garden
Fried Lice
Sailor Moon
Wonton soup
Spring roll
Tibet
Foot rub rub a down down down
Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra
Tofu
All over you all over me


Basically I imagine these douches sat around and listed every stereotype/reference/slur they could think of and then pieced it together to a highly polished turd and released it to the world fully knowing the kind of reaction they would get. Good job it worked. You can proceed to the downhill side of your careers now. Bye bye.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Time for a break

Like the strip says, it has been a really long, continuous run for Secret Asian Man. Sometimes I can't believe how long I've been doing this. On the other hand I can't imagine NOT doing this ever again. So consider this a bit a a break from my once monthly, once weekly, once daily, then weekly again schedule.

This is definitely not the end of SAM. I'm going to be doing a lot more with him in the future.

Now is the time to switch gears, think of new approaches, and tackle some long-neglected projects. I'm sure a combination of experiences in my life recently (like my father passing away) has lit a new fire under my ass to not find myself in a situation where it will become too late to branch out and try different things.

I want to thank everyone who has supported the strip over the years and hope you will continue to follow me through this blog, Facebook, and Twitter as I'm still going to have a lot to say and have plenty of surprises in the coming months.

Thanks and don't be a stranger.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

April 19, 2013



Today amid the absolutely terrifying and, in the end, exuberant chain of events involving the Boston Marathon bombing suspects, I was having a much quieter and more personal experience that had far greater implications than any act of terrorism. This morning I found out that my father passed away.

My family and I were coming down to NYC to visit my dad in hospice care. I was awoken by a phone call from my brother. Both of us still half asleep, he broke the news to me. My dad had been battling cancer for the past couple of years and finally succumbed some time during the night. I was fortunate enough to have had come down a couple of weeks earlier when my dad insisted that we have a birthday party for me and my brother. We both have April birthdays.

As we finished packing for the trip down, and after I broke the news to my wife and two sons, I began to read the reports of the gun and bomb battle that took place also during the night in Cambridge between law enforcement and the bombing suspects. After an already tense week following the Monday bombings this news did not sit well.

As we made our way down I-95, I took to social media only to find post after post from friends in the Cambridge and Watertown areas writing about hearing gunshots, explosions, and posting photos of SWAT teams outside their homes. In between checking posts I drifted back to thoughts of my dad and of my mom who apparently was also fighting off high blood pressure and a bout of vertigo.

We get to NYC, check into our hotel and make our way to my parents' house in lower Manhattan.

Later that evening as my mom cues up a vacation video of when my parents went to Hawaii, a quick flash of the news flickered and I read the words, "Suspect captured alive." I felt a sudden sense of relief and gratitude and then an instant later I was watching footage my dad shot of Hawaii. Meanwhile I can hear cars honking horns and the occasional celebratory yelp. They're celebrating in NYC too.

So as I sit here typing this, now just past midnight and technically the next day, I can only take a deep breath and look back at April 19, 2013 with the strangest sense of sadness, sentimentality, and elation. Thank you Boston and I love you Papa.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Swiper, no swiping!

I've always had this problem with Dora the Explorer (and Go, Diego, Go too). These guys are always rescuing animals from the evil jaws of other animals. Animals that need to eat meat in order to survive. It's at this point that my mind always wanders to an alternate version of the show where we follow the animal denied a nutritious meal and watch as it slowly starves and plots its revenge on the do-gooder duo.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Struggling with struggle identity

To say that we live in a post-racial society is pretty ridiculous. But at the same time we are making strides in social attitudes at an amazing pace. But with all the specialized support and awareness groups focused on eliminating these social imbalances, it makes me wonder if in some way we NEED things to be unfair. That without injustice, those with the genetic impulse to fight for justice will suddenly lose their identity. Basically, can an activist ever truly be at peace?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Invasion U.S.A.


Taking a quick note of the movie landscape it suddenly occurred to me how many are about the U.S. somehow being attacked or invaded. I realize G.I. Joe: Retaliation and Red Dawn were both delayed releases but add Olympus Has Fallen to the mix and it we're suddenly giving the world all sorts of creative ideas. Maybe this isn't such a hot idea. It all seems like some sick game of "I Dare You to Invade Us."

Friday, March 8, 2013

Wooden Swords

I suppose this is a good follow up to last week's strip about sword fights. In the past few months I've taken to making wooden swords (and an axe). Mostly well-known ones from movies of TV shows.

Sting
Gimli's Axe
TMNT Leonardo's double katanas (scaled for my three-year-old)

And most recently a tanto that can be disassembled.
Not sure what I'll make next but I find working with wood a refreshing change as a creative outlet. I'm still working on things I really enjoy but I like to think I'm expanding my skill set and learning to appreciate what REAL woodworkers can do. I highly recommend it.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Friday, February 22, 2013

Stan Lee's Annihilator

It seems that comic book god and all around good guy Stan Lee has a new project that he is developing as a film property. Annihilator is the latest creation by Lee and bring to the world the story of a man named Ming (yes, Ming) who is forced to choose between remaining in a Chinese prison or enlisting in some secret US super soldier program that would give him some sort of animal based super power. His pre-super soldier powers include "extreme resolve" and Qijong and martial arts training. Please excuse me for a second, I have to sit down. I just face palmed myself about twenty times really fast. Stan Lee's characters are some of the most popular and enduring ones on the planet. To imagine a world without Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, and the Hulk is, well, unimaginable. But the last few creative attempts at character creation from Stan Lee have been far from successful. The mighty forgettable Mighty 7, the Who Wants to be a Superhero? based reality show winner Fat Momma, and the what-were-you-thinking Stripperella featuring the lung talents of Pamela Anderson. While Annihilator has decent talent on board like producer Barry Josephson (Bones, Wild Wild West, Enchanted) and writer Dan Gilroy (Real Steel, The Bourne Legacy) there's little hope that our friend Ming will become the next Peter Parker. I'll applaud ANY attempt to get more Asian male faces on screen (especially in a lead role!) but I'm going to have to chalk this one up to a step in the right direction as opposed to a watershed moment in Asian culture and certainly not one for Asian American culture. Lee should have just worked on a Amadeus Cho story line with a Hercules and Hulk tie-in. Now THAT I would go see. I will always love Stan Lee's core characters and will gladly support his new creations … as long as they're good.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

So God Made an Asian

I don't normally post this early but I figured I may as well strike while the iron was hot.

This strip is a reaction to Ram Trucks' Superbowl ad based on the "So God Made a Farmer" speech by Paul Harvey. A lot of buzz going around about how it completely ignored the real demographics of farming and the hiring practices of farmers to keep costs down. But it actually made me think of ALL people who do things despite the challenges they face. Sure, farmers can be seen as good, heroic people and I'm sure a good number of them are. But Ram Trucks really missed an opportunity to include a wide range of people and fell into the comfort of nostalgia.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Don't Make Me Come Over There, China

A few months back when I was visiting my parents in NYC, we got into an expected conversation about all the recent problems facing Japan including the sudden and quickly escalating situation between China, Taiwan, Korea(s), Russia, and Japan. I had no idea what was going on and started to wonder why this isn't more top line news especially considering the potential for U.S. involvement.

It's a really strange territorial dispute that I'm still trying to make sense of. If you have any opinions on the matter I'd be curious to hear them.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Make Me Racist


Funny, this is the strip that was scheduled to post on Sunday. Figured considering the news about the Make Me Asian app being removed I'd just post it now. In fact, all the "Make Me" apps are gone. Woohoo!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Sunday, January 6, 2013